I was the girl who went to bed at 7pm to end the day earlier, so that months, years and this life could just go faster. I would cry in bed until I fell asleep. I spent entire 2020 like that. I always felt I was the loneliest person on earth. Since childhood I never felt safe. Then I turned to Allah last year but still felt a vacuum...fear that wouldn't end, still unsafe, in pain and lonely. Mechanical worships with no emotions. Something I was ordained to do that didn't make sense. Driven by fear.
 
I had spent too long time this way...unsafe, heartbroken, in pain, in fear, crying in bed every single night.

It was as if I was in a pitch dark tunnel deep under, trying to find a way out. After running back and forth for too long and not finding my way I had given up and sat in a corner terrified, helpless and lost.
That's where you came Eram. You took my hand, made me feel safe to get up and walk with you. I didn't know where until you pointed towards a ray of light entering the dark tunnel I was lost in for years. A way out finally!! You told me that's the way and walked with me till the end. First time I felt what it is like to be in the light. You made me realize that all this time I WAS loved, cherished and protected by Allah. The divine who always was by me, yet I thought I was lonely. When He saw me so broken He sent you to help me. For the first time in my life I can say I truly believe. The sweetness of Iman. First time I have felt connection with the divine, a love I cannot explain in words. For the first time Since childhood I have felt safe while going to sleep at night. The girl who wept in bed feeling fear, pain and broken now often smiles. I feel God is smiling upon me and feel protected. No matter what struggle and hardship...I will be taken care of. Because He is rehman and rahim.

You also connected me with myself...I see beautiful things in me now. I am loving me and do not feel lonely in my own company anymore. I used to get suffocated without family around me. Felt lonely. Now I have moved to my own apartment and love being with ME! I see countless strengths in me. As you said “our rooh is from Allah’z zaat”.

I cannot stop my heart from feeling love, admiration, care and respect for someone who brought me here. I know you would say Allah did. Yes he did but He chose you to do this for us. You and your loved ones will be forever in my prayers May your both worlds be filled with the highest blessings.

I live in Denmark...but one day...soon enough...I would like to catch a plane and see you if you allow me Eram. That would mean so much to me.

I never had a role model in life and tried hard to find one but I never could. I feel I found someone whose footsteps I would love to follow.

Always Love and prayers