When most people hear the phrase self-love, they think of feel-good affirmations, bubble baths, and confidence boosts. But real self-love? It’s something entirely different. It’s not about perfection—it’s about acceptance. It’s about recognizing that you don’t need to “fix” yourself to be worthy of kindness and respect. It’s learning to embrace your flaws without judgment and honor who you are, exactly as you are.

And here’s the surprising part: when you start treating yourself with the same love you give others, everything in your life begins to shift.

In this episode, Eram Saeed sits down with Janet Atwood, A NY Times Best Selling Author and one of the world’s leading voices on self-love, to share a simple yet profound exercise for breaking free from self-judgment. Together, they unpack how everyone we meet is a reflection of ourselves—and how self-acceptance can transform not only our mindset but also our relationships and overall well-being.

If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt or felt like you’re “not enough,” this conversation will give you the tools to shift that narrative—starting today.

Self-Love is About Acceptance, Not Perfection

Many people believe that loving yourself means having it all together. Janet Atwood challenges this idea head-on. Self-love isn’t about striving for perfection—it’s about learning to accept yourself fully, in every moment.

Too often, we put off self-acceptance, believing we need to change first. “I’ll be worthy of love when I lose weight, when I get the promotion, when I stop making mistakes.” But Janet reframes self-love as a practice of honoring who you are right now—not a reward for self-improvement.

True self-love begins when you stop trying to prove yourself and start embracing yourself.

The Mirror Effect: How Others Reflect Your Self-Perception

One of the most profound insights in this episode is the idea that the way you see others is a reflection of how you see yourself.

If you find yourself judging, resenting, or criticizing someone, take a step back. More often than not, those same judgments exist within you. Janet explains that when we practice compassion toward ourselves, we naturally start extending that same grace to others.

Want to change your relationships? Start by shifting the way you speak to yourself. The way you treat yourself sets the tone for how you engage with the world.

The Self-Reflection Exercise: Recognizing Your Own Patterns

Janet introduces Eram Saeed to a simple but revealing exercise. She asks her to list five qualities she admires in someone she loves—and then five things that frustrate her about that same person. The eye-opening moment? Those disliked qualities often mirror the judgments we hold about ourselves.

By confronting these patterns, we gain clarity on the areas where we lack self-acceptance. The goal isn’t to eliminate flaws, but to recognize them without shame. The more we embrace our imperfections, the less power they have over us.

Taming the Inner Critic with "Stop Words"

Everyone has an inner critic—the voice that whispers doubts, insecurities, and self-judgments. Janet introduces a simple but powerful tool to quiet this negativity: the “stop word.” This is a word or phrase used to immediately disrupt negative self-talk before it takes over.

Eram chooses “butterfly” as her stop word, reinforcing the idea that when her inner critic emerges, she can gently redirect her thoughts. Janet explains that what we focus on grows, so consciously interrupting negative patterns prevents them from spiraling.

Rewiring the Mind with Self-Love Mantras

It’s not enough to silence negative thoughts—you need to replace them with affirmations grounded in real evidence. Janet challenges Eram to prove to herself that she embodies positive qualities. Instead of just saying, “I am careful,” she finds real-life examples that support this belief.

Why does this work? Because your brain needs proof. Repeating affirmations without belief won’t create change—but linking them to real evidence rewires your mindset for self-acceptance rather than self-criticism.

How Self-Love Transforms Your External Reality

Janet makes a compelling case for why inner work changes outer circumstances. When we shift our internal narrative, our relationships, experiences, and even opportunities begin to reflect that transformation. Eram realizes that as she rewires her self-talk, she expects to notice more of the good in others—especially in people she once judged. Our external reality mirrors our internal beliefs. When we change our thoughts, we change our world.

Janet Atwood’s Journey

Self-love wasn’t always second nature to Janet Atwood. For years, she believed that her worth was measured by achievement—that if she could just do more, be better, or fix her flaws, she would finally feel at peace. But no matter how much she accomplished, the relentless voice of self-judgment followed her, whispering that she still wasn’t enough.

But beneath the polished exterior, Janet battled an inner critic that measured her against impossible standards. The voice in her head dissected every flaw, questioned every misstep, and whispered the same message on repeat: not good enough.

Gazing Into the Mirror

Her turning point came when she recognized a startling truth—the way she judged others was simply a mirror of how she judged herself. Through deep inner work, she began dismantling the idea that love is conditional. She shifted from self-correction to self-acceptance, replacing criticism with compassion, and perfectionism with presence.

This transformation wasn’t just personal—it became her life’s work. Today, Janet is dedicated to helping others break free from their inner critic and build a foundation of self-love rooted in acceptance rather than achievement. Through her teachings, she’s guided thousands to rewrite their internal narratives, embrace their imperfections, and ultimately, treat themselves with the same kindness they so freely offer others.

Expert Advice & Powerful Quotes

 “Self-love isn’t about being perfect… Love is about acceptance; an acceptance of who I'm being right now in this moment.” – Janet Atwood

 “God does not change the outer conditions of anyone until they have changed it inside them themselves.”

“How you treat you is how you treat everyone.” – Janet Atwood

“Your words are your wand. If you keep telling yourself ‘I’m careless, I’m not good enough,’ that’s what you’ll see reflected back in your life.” – Janet Atwood

Your Next Step: Rewrite Your Inner Narrative

If this story resonates with you, here are a few ways to dive deeper:

1. Listen to the Full Episode – Dive into Janet’s journey and uncover practical exercises for silencing self-doubt and embracing self-acceptance.
2. Try the Self-Reflection Exercise – Grab a notebook and list five qualities you admire in someone, along with five that frustrate you. Notice how these traits mirror your own self-perception.
3. Choose a Stop Word – The next time your inner critic speaks up, use a personal stop word to interrupt negative thoughts and replace them with self-love mantras.
4. Share This Episode – Know someone struggling with self-judgment? Send them this conversation as a reminder that self-love starts with acceptance.
5. Join the Conversation – Explore more insights, tools, and community discussions on practicing self-love at Jamali.love.

Your path to self-compassion begins with a single shift in perspective. Start today—your future self will thank you.