Self-love often feels like a distant dream. Most especially when daily life is filled with responsibilities and the quiet weight of self-doubt. Many people carry an inner critic that whispers they are not good enough. Others juggle the roles of career, family, and faith. However, they still feel as though they fall short in each one. Negative thoughts can take root, shaping how we see ourselves and how we live our lives.
The truth is that self-love is not about ego or selfishness. It is about learning to respect the body, mind, and soul entrusted to you by Allah. It is gratitude for the amanah (trust) He has given. When nurtured with faith, self-love becomes a practice of balance, mercy, and clarity. One that enriches your well-being and the relationships around you.
This guide answers the question "How can I learn to love myself?". It guides you through practical steps to help you begin a self-love journey. A path that aligns with both your heart and your faith.
Beyond the Stigma: Why Self-Love and Mental Health Matter
For many, the idea of caring for mental health carries a weight of hesitation. In some families or cultures, conversations about emotions and therapy remain taboo. A person may even feel guilty for prioritizing their well-being. As if self-care means neglecting others. Not only that, but these beliefs can leave people suffering in silence.
In Islam, however, the picture is different. Caring for yourself is part of the trust Allah has given you. Just as your family, work, and community require your attention, so does your inner life. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) reminded his companions that balance matters.
al-Tafsīr al-Kabīr 2:143 says, "The justly balanced (wasat) in reality is the furthest point between two extremes. There is no doubt that the two poles of excess and extravagance are destructive, so to be moderate in character is to be furthest from them, which is to be just and virtuous."
Time for worship, family, and personal care all play a role in a complete life. Neglecting one leads to imbalance in the others.
The way society thinks about mental health has also shifted. Years ago, options for counseling or therapy were limited, and cultural stigma was stronger. Today, resources are more accessible.
Try remote therapy, support groups, and Muslim counselors who blend faith with modern psychology. They can help you navigate challenges with compassion. Taking these steps does not mean weakness. It means you value the trust Allah has placed in you.
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Taking the First Step: Self-Discovery and Clarity
When life feels heavy, the thought may arise: “There’s just no point.”
These words reflect a deep sense of being stuck. Many people become defined by their roles, an employee, a mother, a spouse, and lose sight of their unique identity.
The first step toward self-love is rediscovering who you are, not only in the eyes of others but in the eyes of Allah.
The Holy Qur'an tells us we are His most wonderous creation.
"…when I have proportioned him and breathed into him of My Spirit, fall down before him prostrating. Thereupon the angels bowed down, all of them together. Save Iblis…” (Qur’an 15:29-31)
Practical tools can make this journey less overwhelming.
Journaling is one. Begin with simple dua prompts, such as: “Ya Allah, show me my worth in Your eyes.” Writing, even for a few moments a day, allows thoughts to flow onto paper, creating space for clarity.
Guided meditations or dhikr can ground you when your mind feels scattered.
Daily practices help you see the blessings around you and within you. Think: gratitude lists, mindful salah, or positive affirmations. Reflection on the Qur’an offers not only guidance but also a mirror to your soul.
Knowing yourself is not a luxury. It is a way of recognizing the blessings Allah has placed in you and around you. When you gain clarity about your own path, decisions feel less like a burden and more like a step toward purpose.
Understanding Self-Worth: Reclaiming Your True Value
Too often, self-worth is tied to external validation. Praise from others, career success, or even appearance. These can become the measuring stick for value. But these measures shift and fade. Nobody's perfect and true worth rests on something deeper. The honor Allah already placed in every human being.
The Qur’an reminds us: “We have certainly honored the children of Adam” (17:70).
This honor is not conditional on achievements or mistakes. It is part of your creation. Recognizing this can reshape how you see yourself.
Practical steps help reclaim this truth:
Affirmations - Challenge the inner critic with affirmations rooted in faith, such as “Allah made me with dignity.”
Build self-esteem through small wins - consistent prayer, learning a new skill, or meeting a personal goal.
Reflections - Reflect daily on your strengths and blessings, no matter how simple they seem.
By practicing acceptance of your true self, you align with the value Allah has already given you.
This alignment is a powerful truth that can guide you for your whole life. Even if you walk a different path than what society expects.
Overcoming the Inner Critic: Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue
The inner critic can be harsh, especially when life throws challenges your way. Thoughts of “I’m not enough” or “I always fail”. These become familiar, even when they are untrue.
This negative self-talk feeds self-hatred, perfectionism, or imposter syndrome. The path to self-love includes learning to rewrite that inner dialogue. This is where you need to practice self-talk positively about your own life.
One strategy is to replace harmful statements with affirmations of worth. Instead of “I’m a failure,” say, “Allah made me capable, and I can try again.” Instead of “I’m not enough,” affirm, “Allah made me worthy.”
Speaking to yourself with compassion may feel strange at first, but over time it softens the harshness within. If at the present moment you cannot find it within you to start, you can imagine giving yourself the same kindness you would gladly give to a loved one.
Try a step-by-step exercise:
- Identify the negative thought.
- Challenge its truth. Ask, “Is this really what Allah sees in me?”
- Replace it with a faith-based affirmation.
- Affirm it regularly until it takes root.
Mistakes do not erase your worth. They are reminders to return to Allah. Rather than turning away, seek forgiveness and cultivate self love. It tells us to keep moving forward with hope. We all make mistakes. Taking them as lessons in the right direction is a total no brainer when viewed through the lens of faith.
According to Balanced Bayt, "By disregarding ourselves and hating our weaknesses, causes our growth to stunt and malnourishes our soul."
Practicing Self-Compassion: Choosing Kindness Over Criticism
Self-compassion is not about pity or excuses. It is about mercy: the same quality Allah showers on His creation. When you choose kindness over criticism, you begin to heal the wounds that self-hatred creates. And only you can do this for yourself. You are the only person who can heal your wounds from self-hatred.
A practical way to do this is by creating a self-care “rahmah routine.” Include time for rest, prayer breaks, hobbies, or anything that replenishes your energy.
Forgive yourself with the same spirit you forgive others.
Boundaries are also an act of compassion. Setting boundaries protects both your well-being. It protects your ability to show up with sincerity for others.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Be merciful to those on earth and the One above the heavens will be merciful to you.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1924)
This mercy applies inward as well. You are also someone in need of compassion. Extending kindness to yourself is not selfish. It is a reflection of the mercy Allah loves.
According to Ayeina, "Pray, pray, and pray with your heart pouring out with love and affection for Allah swt. You can’t love yourself if you don’t love Allah. If the foundation is frail, the building will collapse and destroy everything which surrounds it. We need to strengthen our connection with our Creator and then leave everything in our duas."
Navigating the Dark Side of Self-Love
Even with practice, there will be hard days. Doubts, guilt, cultural pressure, and negative thoughts do not vanish overnight. At times, self-love may feel impossible. You may fear judgment from others who misunderstand it. These struggles are part of the journey.
Faith provides a lens for these moments. Patience (sabr) brings reward in trials. Struggles are not signs of failure but opportunities for growth and closeness to Allah. If you asked women about their journeys, you will find that not all feel confident every single day. However, they continue moving forward. When you practice gratitude, it can shift focus away from despair. It highlights blessings, even in difficulty.
Jannah Within said, "You were born, exactly as you were meant to be, free from insecurities and doubts."
Small moments of choosing kindness, gratitude, and prayer can change your perspective.
- Limit comparison on social media.
- Curate who you follow so that your heart is exposed to positivity instead of constant judgment
- Spend time with people who uplift you
- Get more sleep
- Learn to take responsibility for your well-being
Remember, hardship is not the end of the path. It is often where deeper growth begins.
From “Me” to “We”: How Self-Love Strengthens Relationships
When you practice self-love, it does not mean you neglect others. In fact, it strengthens your ability to care for them. You cannot pour from an empty cup. By restoring your energy and self-respect, you show up more fully. You can sent an example to other women. You may fulfill your role more as a daughter, mother, spouse, or leader.
In Islam, fulfilling the rights of others begins with honoring your own rights too. After all, there is only one you. Healthy boundaries prevent resentment and exhaustion. Physical health, creative energy, and emotional stability all contribute to the well-being of your family and community.
Think of self-love as writing your own story with intention. This practice, guided by faith, runs in the same vein as living with purpose. When you live with self-acceptance, the world realize that caring for yourself is not vanity. It is stewardship of Allah’s trust. This balance nourishes not only your soul but also the lives of those around you.
How Can I Learn to Love Myself: Journey to a Deeper Sense of Peace
Self love means living in alignment with the body, mind, and soul entrusted to you by Allah. To love oneself is not about vanity. It is gratitude for life and a path of self-discovery. This is even a way to strengthen your connection with Allah. You begin to live with peace as you practice mercy toward yourself. When you challenging the inner critic, you embrace the value Allah has already placed within you.
Start small. Speak kindly to yourself today. Make dua for your heart tonight. Take one step forward, and trust Allah with the rest. If you need support, reach out to trusted Muslim counsellors, imams, or wellness communities. Every small act of compassion is part of the journey toward genuine self-acceptance and deeper faith. This is an approach that has inspired many successful women to thrive while honouring both faith and self-care.
