We live in a world that constantly demands conformity. There is a subtle yet persistent societal message urging us to fit neatly into predefined expectations. From early childhood, particularly women, often find themselves pressured to embody society's idea of a "good girl" ("Achi Bachi"), reflecting behaviors praised by community standards but not necessarily aligned with authentic self-expression. This societal approval can feel validating temporarily, but it silently exacts a heavy price.
In this talk with Eram Saeed, she explores this pervasive societal phenomenon, what she terms the "Achi Bachi syndrome", highlighting how striving to fit into society's restrictive boxes contributes to deep psychological distress and emotional struggles. Drawing upon extensive psychological research and insightful anecdotes from personal and historical contexts, Eram demystifies complex emotional patterns and highlights the long-term emotional burden of wearing societal masks.
We are more than what society thinks we are or wants us to be. The “good girl” conditioning only leads us to deeper emotional struggles later in life. But we can develop practical tools to break free from these restrictions and reclaim our emotional authenticity.
If you've felt trapped by societal expectations or find yourself quietly suffocating behind the facade of being the "perfectly good girl," this episode will
Breaking Free From The "Good Girl" Myth
Women in Islamic society face tremendous pressure to fit the expectations of that society. Eram calls it the “Achi Bachi syndrome”, where “Achi Bachi” translates roughly to “good girl”. But that raises a powerful question: does being “good” reflect our true values, or does it mean, in this case, nothing more than meeting society’s demands at the cost of our emotions?
Understanding the concept that “good” may not be truly good for us is core to finding emotional freedom. And it can apply to many things. There are several inner beliefs that we may have held true that are, in fact, preventing our personal growth.
The Psychological Roots of "Achi Bachi Syndrome"
Breaking free from “Achi Bachi syndrome” starts with learning its origins.
It typically begins with a need for constant approval — external approval. In the context of “Achi Bachi”, that approval comes from the societal rules that surround us. These rules create patterns that eventually lead to anxiety and depression. If we force ourselves to follow them for too long, they can create a disconnect from our true selves.
And this is hardly a new phenomenon; there are countless historical cases where the stifling rules of society have caused emotional strife for generations. But the earlier we recognize these harmful patterns, the sooner we can break free from them.
Recognizing Symptoms of Emotional Suppression & Conformity
There are several signs that point to “Achi Bachi syndrome”. Specifically, we can look for things like:
- Hiding your true self to fit in.
- Anxiety, especially when thinking about rules or expectations.
- Burnout at work.
- Low self-esteem, especially when we don’t experience external approval.
Eram herself was not immune to this; we can all feel these kinds of struggles in our own lives. But the next essential step is kindness, both to ourselves and those around us. By practicing kindness, we can recognize these symptoms and make the first move toward healing, self-acceptance, and authenticity in ourselves.
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Embracing Authenticity & Bold Self-Expression
Thus, Eram invites you to be kind to everyone — especially yourself. Through kindness, we can break free from society’s shackles and express your true self, thereby connecting with the truth within.
Embrace your unique identity; choose authenticity over approval. Finding the true you is transformational, shifting you away from being a “good girl” and instead pushing you to your authentic soul.
Dismantling Social Expectations: A Guide For Everyday Life
Becoming authentic doesn’t have to begin with a huge shift. In fact, big changes may not even be sustainable for you to change. Instead, start simple and small. Daily habits that challenge society’s expectations are incremental but powerful. Some things to try:
- Reflecting on yourself
- Journaling
- Setting healthy boundaries
- Building real connections
The process can be tough, but there are several tools that you can use to spur your growth. Instead of staying stuck in the rut that society has defined for you, rediscover your passions instead. Pick up new hobbies that seem interesting to you, even if it seems that society might disapprove. You may find many that you don’t enjoy, but that’s alright. The essence of this is to explore and discover who you are deep down.
Embracing Your True Voice
Through self-acceptance and authenticity, you build within yourself the power to transform and heal. Embrace your inner truth. Reject imposed standards. Discover your voice, and step boldly into authenticity.
Eram Saeed’s Journey
Long before the world recognized the transformative power of gratitude, Eram Saeed was living its stark opposite. Burdened by financial struggles, legal battles, and single parenthood, she found herself on the brink of despair. Despite hitting multiple dead ends—from a series of lawsuits to crushing anxiety—Eram kept searching for a lifeline.
Her moment came when she discovered the profound impact of practicing gratitude. Armed with little more than a phone alarm and a simple journal, Eram began to record and reflect on small blessings throughout her day. Within weeks, she experienced a dramatic shift: stress and worry receded, replaced by a newfound sense of hope and possibility. This inner transformation fueled outward change—from improved health and relationships to the launch of her teachings around the “Four T’s” (Tawheed, the Tashakkur, Taqwa, and Tavakkal).
Today, Eram stands as a testament to the idea that the path to lasting happiness and success begins inside. By teaching others how to embrace gratitude and shift their focus from what’s lacking to what’s already abundant, she’s helped countless individuals break free from limiting beliefs and step into a life of resilience, peace, and meaningful achievement.
Expert Advice & Powerful Quotes
“It's (Achi Bachi) not really about actually being a good person. It's more about fitting into a box.”
“All the ladies that have been praised in the Quran, the noble ladies that Allah has praised, actually were all independent thinkers and independent minded women.”
“What I'm forced to then do is from a young age, I would be forced to not speak up. Not be honest, not share what I actually think. I am going to be conditioned into delegating all of that to a man or somebody else. Then I'm also going to be conditioned into being fake”
“This Achi Bachi syndrome is frankly a disease of the mind that really begins to have its major impact when you become an adult.”
Looking Inward Towards Truth
If this conversation sparked something within you, here are a few ways to take the next step:
- Listen to the Full Episode – Unpack the entire conversation to deepen your understanding of “Achi Bachi” and how it might be affecting your life.
- See Yourself As You Are – Reflect upon your identity without the filters of society. Don’t be afraid to ask who you would have been without the rules surrounding you.
- Join the Conversation – Explore more soul-stirring episodes and reflections at Jamali.love and become part of a growing movement of faith-led self-discovery.
Your answers are waiting—not at the extremes, but at the intersection of curiosity, courage, and conscience. Start there.
