The attachments we forge in our lifetime can make us happy — or even push us toward growth. Yet, these very attachments can create misery, pulling us away from Allah’s plans. Sometimes, we are even oblivious of this happening. 

The nature of attachments is a topic personal growth discussions often miss. Few unravel its layers with the depth and clarity that Eram Saeed brings to this episode. She transcends conventional self-help advice, revealing how our emotional bonds can tether us to misery, and how true liberation comes from aligning our dependencies with faith and self-awareness.

In this episode, Eram Saeed explores the power of recognizing and releasing harmful attachments, offering a path to emotional freedom that’s both practical and spiritually grounded.  If you’ve ever felt trapped by relationships, expectations, or fears that no longer serve you, this conversation will spark a profound shift in perspective. 

Understanding Attachments and Their Impact on Mental Well-being

Eram Saeed challenges the idea that attachments—whether to people, roles, or expectations—automatically bring happiness. While emotional bonds can foster belonging, they often morph into dependencies that trap us in misery, especially when we place them above faith in Allah.

For instance, she highlights marriages where women cling to their partners as their "source of strength." But this is an emotional shackle. Reflect on what you’ve made your "Rabb" — is it a person, a job, or Allah?

Expectations Fuel Frustration, Not Control

Attachments come with a hidden cost: expectations. Eram shares a story of a young woman so fixated on preventing a future husband’s infidelity that she’s already miserable—before even getting married. An obsession with controlling the future only hurts you.

You can only control yourself. Her advice is clear—stop trying to script others’ behavior. Instead, focus on your mindset. Next time you catch yourself spiraling, pause and ask: "Can I control this, or can I only control how I respond?"

Identity Traps: Who Are You Without Them?

Our sense of self often gets tangled in attachments, like the patriarchal conditioning Eram critiques. She explains how some Muslim women resist change because their identity—tied to superiority over others via cultural norms—feels threatened. This isn’t just a gender issue; it’s universal. Think of the parent who defines themselves through their kids or the spouse who stays in an abusive relationship.

Eram’s call to action: detach your worth from external roles. Start by listing three qualities you value in yourself, independent of anyone else—it’s a first step to reclaiming your core.

Mindfulness Over Misery

Toxic attachments pull us out of the present, chaining us to past regrets or future fears. She shares her own journey as a single mom, realizing her helicopter parenting instilled insecurity in her daughters. The lesson? Practice presence. For five minutes a day, focus solely on your breath or surroundings—no past, no future. It’s a small habit that cuts emotional distress and builds mindfulness.

Change Is Growth, Not Loss

Fear of change keeps us stuck, even when staying hurts more. Eram points to people lingering in bad jobs or abusive relationships because the known feels safer than the unknown. She flips the script: change isn’t losing attachments—it’s gaining freedom. Her example of a woman in her 50s blinded by an unhealthy romance drives this home—attachment clouded her judgment. 

Identify one area where fear holds you back. Take a tiny step toward change. It’s not about abandoning connections but balancing them with independence.

The Five Problems of Attachments

This is all a lot to take in, so here’s a quick summary of how attachments can be harmful to you. Remember: although the bonds we create with other people can help us grow, they can still cause us pain.

1. Emotional Distress — Fear and distress of losing attachments
2. Dependency — Overreliance on other people or things
3. Resentment — Unmet expectations create conflict
4. Stagnation — Being too attached to specific outcomes and being inflexible
5. Overwhelm — Having too many attachments is mentally and emotionally exhausting

Eram Saeed’s Journey

Long before the world recognized the transformative power of gratitude, Eram Saeed was living its stark opposite. Burdened by financial struggles, legal battles, and single parenthood, she found herself on the brink of despair. Despite hitting multiple dead ends—from a series of lawsuits to crushing anxiety—Eram kept searching for a lifeline.

Her moment came when she discovered the profound impact of practicing gratitude. Armed with little more than a phone alarm and a simple journal, Eram began to record and reflect on small blessings throughout her day. Within weeks, she experienced a dramatic shift: stress and worry receded, replaced by a newfound sense of hope and possibility. This inner transformation fueled outward change—from improved health and relationships to the launch of her teachings around the “Four T’s” (Tawheed, the Tashakkur, Taqwa, and Tavakkal).

Today, Eram stands as a testament to the idea that the path to lasting happiness and success begins inside. By teaching others how to embrace gratitude and shift their focus from what’s lacking to what’s already abundant, she’s helped countless individuals break free from limiting beliefs and step into a life of resilience, peace, and meaningful achievement.

Expert Advice & Powerful Quotes

“We create misery when we are in disagreement with reality. When we start controlling we feel insecurity.” – Eram Saeed

“So really understanding that some bonds, some emotional bonds, that are abusive, that are holding us back, we still hold on to them because we have made them a source of strength and joy for us, and therefore anything that we place above Allah is going to bring us misery.” – Eram Saeed

“When we start controlling, we feel insecurity. It is because of an attachment. It is not because of love. Love is liberating. It is freeing. Attachment is toxic, and it is it holds you back, and it enslaves you, and it enslaves the other person that you think you love, but you're actually trying to control.”– Eram Saeed

“Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your happiness. So there was, how can you say that, of course, it's her responsibility, or, of course it's her responsibility. So that, what is that? That is attachment to an expectation? The truth of the matter is, nobody's perfect. We are all going to make mistakes.” – Eram Saeed

Your Next Step: Rewrite Your Inner Narrative

If this story resonates with you, here are a few ways to dive deeper:

1. Listen to the Full Episode – Dive into the complete discussion for a deeper understanding of how attachments shape your life and practical ways to break free.
2. Examine Your Attachments – Pause and reflect: What is your Rabb? Identify one attachment that’s weighing you down.
3. Embrace the Present – Let go of past sorrows and future fears. For five minutes, focus on your breath and trust solely in Allah.
4. Take a Leap of Faith – Change starts small. Release an expectation you’ve clung to and replace it with resilience in your own mindset.
5. Join the Conversation – Explore more insights, tools, and community discussions on practicing self-love at Jamali.love.

Your peace lies in what you choose to hold onto—or let go of. Align your heart with what truly sustains you, and watch how your life transforms.